Mirror of My Sinfulness

Some of you may have read the last excerpts from "In Conversation with God" and found them a bit severe. But let me tell you from my own experience, they are as right as right can be.

My first year of marriage, though full of joy, was harrowing for me. My dear husband was like a mirror that showed me my sinfulness in complete clarity. It was the first time I got to witness, firsthand and immediately, how my sinful ways affected someone else -- the person I loved most in the world. Whenever I was impatient, whenever I was unkind, whenever I was selfish, it affected my poor husband. No, sin is not private. Definitely not!

Now that I have children, I've seen my sinfulness reflect on them. Poor Boo Boo suffers the brunt of it! Over the last few days I've heard him say to his tower of blocks that keeps toppling, "Stop it!" "I'm sick of this!" and "I've had it!" That's me. That's totally me! That's exactly what I say to him when I'm frustrated. He even says the lines with a shriek, as my voice sometimes gets when I'm on the edge. My worst moments with him are being repeated for me to hear ... and contemplate.

Last night I was continuing my read through Agnes Penny's "Your Vocation of Love" (which I highly recommend, ladies) and this paragraph jumped out at me: "Every moment of every day is a teaching opportunity with children, a chance to show our youngsters how to respond to the pleasant and unpleasant events that befall us in life. They look to us to show them and they will follow our example, good or bad. Shall we teach them to lose their tempers at every slight inconvenience or to accept the annoyances with humor -- or at least with holy resignation?"

My first thought was, "Thanks, Agnes, for more guilt and pressure. Just shovel it on the pile!" But today, after listening to Boo Boo shriek at his blocks with my own words, I reconsidered her words. She's right, of course; I was seeing the example I had been setting with Boo Boo's reaction to annoyances and inconveniences.

When I heard him screech again this afternoon, I stopped what I was doing. I walked over to him and got down on the floor and looked him in the eye. And I told him, "Boo Boo, we don't yell when we're upset. I know Mommy raises her voice sometimes when she is having a bad time, but that's not good. It makes me sad when I do it, and it makes me sad when I hear you do it. So let's try to both work on not doing it anymore, OK?"

I know that both my and Boo Boo's struggle with sin is far from over; I'm sure we will yell at something or someone again. But I am grateful to be more aware of this problem, and vigilantly watch for it in myself and in him as we go forward. So we can work on it together, with the help of the Lord.