Daddy Withdrawal

The boys have been spoiled by having Daddy home the last two days, even at his limited capacity. But when he suited up to go to the office today, X-Man knew a change had come. X dragged the lunch bag I had packed over to DH, started blowing kisses to him and said, "Hi! Hi! Hi!" -- which is his "hello" and "good-bye" greeting.

Boo Boo was not so well adjusted; he said that I should go to work and Daddy stay home. LOL! DH built a tower with him before he left, but still it was a hard good-bye.

Then during "quiet time" today, I was awakened to hear Boo Boo screaming somewhere in the house. I found him by the front door, crying. Bewildered, I asked him what was going on. He told me, woefully, "I'm crying for Daddy. I can't find him!"

I picked him up, and held him in the rocking chair, and gave Daddy a call. Let's just pray he'll be OK with DH leaving Sunday for four days! I'm not looking forward to breaking it to him. =(

Zingers and Nudges: Part III

The hits keep on coming from Father F! =)

* (Quoting the Cure d'Ars (St. John Vianney), pictured): We can very well say that the Passion which the Romans and Jews made Christ suffer was almost nothing compared with what Christians make him undergo with their insults and mortal sins ... what horror there will be when Jesus Christ shows us the things for which we have abandoned him!

* To take up the Cross -- the acceptance of sorrow and of the contradictions God permits for our purification, the costly fulfillment of our duties, Christian mortification voluntarily accepted -- is the indispensable condition for following the Master.

* The Christian who journeys through life systematically opting out of sacrifice, who rebels in the face of pain, distances himself from holiness and happiness, which are found beside the Cross, very close to Christ the Redeemer.

* Close to Christ, tribulations and difficulties are not oppressive, they are not burdensome; on the contrary, they dispose the soul to prayer, to see God in the events of daily life.

* Without mortification, the soul remains subject to the thousand and one things which make their demands on and tend to disperse and dissipate the senses: attachment, impurity, tepidity, desires for an immoderate comfort... mortification frees us from many entangling ties and gives us the capacity to love.

* (Quoting JPII, pictured): The loss of the sense of sin is a form or consequence of "the denial of God": not only in the form of atheism, but also in the form of secularism. If sin is the breaking off of one's filial relationship to God in order to situate one's life outside of obedience to him, then to sin is not merely to deny God. To sin is also to live as if He did not exist, to eliminate him from one's daily life.

What We're Watching Now

What else would we watch while laying around the living room, sick, during Lent? That's right: Franco Zefirelli's six-hour "Jesus of Nazareth." Boo Boo said he wanted to "Watch Jesus" when I asked him what video he'd like this morning. He's seen the first three-hour disk plenty of times, but this is the first time we're letting him see the end ... with parental guidance and a ready remote, of course. He's quite a devotee of the Stations of the Cross, so we think he's up to it.

"Hiwawious" Quote of the Day

Boo Boo: "Mama, you have bwue eyes and X-Man has bwue eyes and Daddy has bwown eyes and I have bwown eyes ... with exceptionawwy wong eyewashes!"

Learning Love

I confess: I have been in denial. I am sick. The boys are sick. Dear Husband is sick.

It started with me and Boo Boo, after we got into an impromptu leaf fight last week in the park. I could it feel in my sinuses as soon as the mold hit me, and I knew we had made a reckless choice.

At the allergist the next day, I was X-rayed and diagnosed with a sinus infection; BB's cheeks started burning up after we left the office.

Monday we packed up and went to Familia, only to find it was canceled; we went to a playgroup instead and had to go home early because the house had a dog in it. Today we went to the park and storytime, and had to leave early because X started his descent into illness.

Back on Sunday, I had a feeling it was going to be "one of those weeks," but I refused to be a pessimist and insisted on going ahead with all of our plans. And none of them have worked so far. Frankly, I wanted to do what I wanted to do this week. I did not want to do what I knew I should.

We've been on a teeter totter of feeling passable and feeling miserable, totally overestimating what we were capable of doing each day. Now X will not let me put him down for any reason, screaming "Mama!" and weeping pitifully as soon as his toes hit the floor. BB has been so wiped out he's TAKEN A NAP the last few days. Between the two of them, they awakened us four times between midnight and 5am last night. It felt like having a newborn again! =P

So I'm giving up; I'm giving in. I'm going to be staying home with the boys for the rest of the week. No friends. No playmates. I'm not even going to try to drag them to my bible study and pretend they're not as sick as they are. I will probably have to cancel the dinner party we had planned this weekend.

We will do nothing but play with the same old toys, watch too many videos and sneak some time outside in the backyard. I will kiss their fevered brows, and let their over-heated little bodies snuggle too close for comfort, try to not mind the scent of Vicks wafting from their chests and be patient with all of their unreasonable demands. I'll lug X around the house like a rag doll, and let him nurse as much as he wants -- and not worry that he'll never, ever, ever be weaned.

Yet again, the boys are teaching me what God keeps letting me learn -- it's not about me and my plans. It's about the giving of myself, every day, in big and small ways. These snotty-nosed, needy little boys are my teachers in the school of love.

Phenomenal Moment of Last Week

We were walking down the street while touring with Uncle and Aunt when we happened upon a street musician. X-Man stopped in his tracks and stood. And stood. And stood until we tore him away.

My mom was the first to notice his musical affinity a few months ago, and he certainly has shown much more interest in music (and dancing!) than his older brother.

X standing there, awestruck, drew a crowd of onlookers, who chuckled at how mesmerized he was. The violinist was sweet enough to do a rendition of "Old MacDonald," bless her heart. Even when we walked down the other side of the street, across from her, he stopped again and did not want to budge.

Perhaps my dream of putting a child in violin lessons someday will be justified! =)

What We're Doing Now

Well, it's been almost a week since I last posted, so I thought I should update you all. (Notice I haven't given in to "y'all" yet!)

* We have said goodbye to Aunt and Uncle, who left crazy early Saturday morning. We enjoyed some fun, lazy days with them just hanging out, talking and taking a little excursion to the Gulf. It's wild to think that the next time we see them, Baby Cousin will be on the other side of the womb!

* It read 84 degrees on the car thermometer today. Yes, folks, you read that right. We have been going to the park at least once, sometimes twice a day. I'm ready for the neighborhood pool to reopen. God bless Texas' weather!

* We're gearing up for a busy week of a Familia meeting, library storytime and my new Bible study -- all of which include opportunities for the boys to play with their little friends. Everyone wins!

* We're also looking ahead to next week, when Dear Husband will be out of town and another Minnesota aunt will be visiting (and hopefully enjoying the warm weather down here). Busy, busy busy!

Hope you're all doing well ... and staying warm! =)

Snowbirds

Uncle M and Aunt C arrived late Saturday night and will be in Texas for the next week.

As soon as the boys saw them, they RAN toward them and securely attached themselves. Uncle M is particularly a hit, as he is an amusing playmate for the boys. We are thrilled to see that Aunt C's baby belly is growing, as she is due in late May/early June. Yay for family -- and COUSINS! =)

On Sunday we visited an immense and impressive battleship, and thoroughly enjoyed exploring its heights and depths. Poor Dear Husband was a little anxious while on board, as he was terrified of the boys running off the deck and falling 100-some feet into the water. I don't think Boo Boo would have taken the plunge, but X-Man kept running for the edge!

Now, Uncle and Aunt have set out on their own for a short trip to see another town; they'll be rejoining us at the end of this week. Good thing, too; X keeps craning his neck around looking for them!

Mirror of My Sinfulness

Some of you may have read the last excerpts from "In Conversation with God" and found them a bit severe. But let me tell you from my own experience, they are as right as right can be.

My first year of marriage, though full of joy, was harrowing for me. My dear husband was like a mirror that showed me my sinfulness in complete clarity. It was the first time I got to witness, firsthand and immediately, how my sinful ways affected someone else -- the person I loved most in the world. Whenever I was impatient, whenever I was unkind, whenever I was selfish, it affected my poor husband. No, sin is not private. Definitely not!

Now that I have children, I've seen my sinfulness reflect on them. Poor Boo Boo suffers the brunt of it! Over the last few days I've heard him say to his tower of blocks that keeps toppling, "Stop it!" "I'm sick of this!" and "I've had it!" That's me. That's totally me! That's exactly what I say to him when I'm frustrated. He even says the lines with a shriek, as my voice sometimes gets when I'm on the edge. My worst moments with him are being repeated for me to hear ... and contemplate.

Last night I was continuing my read through Agnes Penny's "Your Vocation of Love" (which I highly recommend, ladies) and this paragraph jumped out at me: "Every moment of every day is a teaching opportunity with children, a chance to show our youngsters how to respond to the pleasant and unpleasant events that befall us in life. They look to us to show them and they will follow our example, good or bad. Shall we teach them to lose their tempers at every slight inconvenience or to accept the annoyances with humor -- or at least with holy resignation?"

My first thought was, "Thanks, Agnes, for more guilt and pressure. Just shovel it on the pile!" But today, after listening to Boo Boo shriek at his blocks with my own words, I reconsidered her words. She's right, of course; I was seeing the example I had been setting with Boo Boo's reaction to annoyances and inconveniences.

When I heard him screech again this afternoon, I stopped what I was doing. I walked over to him and got down on the floor and looked him in the eye. And I told him, "Boo Boo, we don't yell when we're upset. I know Mommy raises her voice sometimes when she is having a bad time, but that's not good. It makes me sad when I do it, and it makes me sad when I hear you do it. So let's try to both work on not doing it anymore, OK?"

I know that both my and Boo Boo's struggle with sin is far from over; I'm sure we will yell at something or someone again. But I am grateful to be more aware of this problem, and vigilantly watch for it in myself and in him as we go forward. So we can work on it together, with the help of the Lord.

Zingers and Nudges: Part II

Prepare yourself for ... the discipline. Keep 'em coming, Father Fernandez!

* God sometimes wills or allows things and events to happen that we do not want and do not understand, but which in the end will be of great benefit to us and to others. Each time we make that act of identification of our will with God's we shall have taken an important step forward in the virtue of humility.

* Every contrite confession is a drawing nearer to the holiness of God, a rediscovery of one's true identity, which has been upset and disturbed by sin, a liberation in the very depth of one's self and thus a regaining of lost joy ...

* Jesus always hears us, even when it seems that he keeps silent. Perhaps it is then that he listens to us most attentively. Perhaps he is urging us on -- with this apparent silence -- to make sure we have the right disposition for the miracle to take place ...

* (Quoting JPII) Sin is always a personal act, since it is an act of freedom on the part of the individual person ... To unload man of this responsibility would be to deny the person's dignity and freedom, which are manifested -- even though in a negative and disastrous way -- also in this responsibility for sin committed. Hence, there is nothing so personal and untransferable in each individual as merit for virtue or responsibility for sin. ...

... there is no sin, not even the most intimate and secret one, the most strictly individual one, that exclusively concerns the person committing it. With greater or less violence, with greater or less harm, every sin has repercussions on the entire ecclesial body and the whole human family.

Our Beloved, Fearless Knight

Boo Boo was quite excited for it to be finally St. Valentine's Day; he's been waiting patiently for his presents, which I bought on a trip to Target weeks ago.

First, he got a basket of candy he had chosen -- Swedish fish. (Not most people's idea of a Valentine's indulgence, but it was novel to him!) After taking a few bites, he said to us, "I like special treats like this; this is like a miracle!" LOL!

Then he got his new, sleek, black suit of armor, which he couldn't wait to put on. See how big and strong he is, posing for us? ;-)

All of his accoutrements didn't stop him from tucking into his breakfast of waffles and bacon (of which he could eat a pound in one sitting -- if we let him). And he couldn't go long without making his "brave knight" face -- a very serious sinistra grimace that never fails to make us laugh. Definitely a manly little man!

It's hard to say how much we love and treasure our Funny Valentine!

Labor of "Wove"

A few of our family members will be receiving some handmade cards from Boo Boo and X-Man tomorrow for St. Valentine's Day. I wanted to be sure to post these photos to show just how hard BB worked to fingerpaint and handprint each one. He wasn't too happy about being restricted to only two colors (red and purple), but he made do. Do you think his tongue it out far enough? That's how you can tell that he is deep in concentration! =)

Zingers and Nudges

I've been relishing my private prayer time every day, especially reading the daily reflections from "In Conversation with God" by Francis Fernandez.

There have been a few lines each day that have really spoken to me -- zapping my lazy soul or gently reminding me of spiritual treasures often forgotten.

I thought you might "enjoy" some of them, so to speak...

* One of the clearest symptoms of lukewarmness having entered into a soul is precisely such an abandoning of the Cross, a contempt for little mortifications, a scorning of anything that in some way involves sacrifice and self-denial ... The Christian who goes through life systematically avoiding sacrifice will not find God, will not find happiness. What he will have been taking care to avoid is his own sanctity.

* (Jesus as physician.) Jesus comes for all, for we are all sick and we are all sinners; No-one is good but God alone. ... All of us need God, every day. If anyone thinks he does not need God, he will not be given strength; he will go on being overshadowed by his interior death or his sickness.

* The devil is unable to violate our liberty so as to incline it toward evil. It is a certain fact that the devil cannot seduce anybody if he does not freely give to the devil the consent of his will.

* We have to treat our guardian angel as we would a good friend. He is always on the watch, constantly prepared to give us his aid, if only we would ask him. It is a great pity when, through ignorance or forgetfulness, we do not sense the company of such a faithful companion, or do not ask for help whenever we need it. We are never alone at moments of temptation or difficulty. Our guardian angel helps us; he will remain by our side until the very moment we leave this world.

Thank you, Sir! May I have another! =)

Gratuitously Cute Photos of the Week

Grandma sent X-Man a monogrammed jump suit, size 12-18M, for his first birthday. It's taken quite some time for him to grow into it, but we tried it on for size today.

We can't decide if he's more dashing white prince...

or more Las Vegas late-Elvis...

Laissez les bons temps rouler, X! =)

Go, Buddy, Go!

Ga-Ga Over Grandma

The beloved Grandma Lisa is visiting for a long weekend, and both boys are certifiably CRAZY over her! She couldn't even eat breakfast this morning because they wouldn't leave her alone; and like many a grandma, she has a hard time saying "no" to her darling boys.

We showed her the ropes at the famous "angel park" and we all enjoyed the sunshine, crisp wind and temps in the upper 60s/lower 70s. Grandma and the boys had so much fun that all three are cashed out in afternoon naps as I write this. Quite a phenomenon!

"I want to do it!"

Is there anything sweeter to a mother's ears than this phrase? I think not. Every time Boo Boo says it to me -- a few times a day -- my heart swells with gratitude.

Though we've had limited success with Boo Boo's potty training, his newfound confidence has ushered in an unprecedented era of independence.

As of the last week, he's started dressing and undressing himself, including shoes, socks and jackets. He's opening and closing the minivan door, and buckling himself into his car seat. Before, had absolutely no interest in any of these activities.

Little brother has even been inspired. He's been obsessed with the potty seat, now that big brother is using it, and I've been shooing him away from it. Finally, I let him have his way, and he climbed up onto it by himself and sat. Of course, nothing happens -- except him reaching down and trying to touch the toilet water! But at least he's more willing to sit on the potty than big brother these days.

Praise God for these small, simple gifts!

Ash Wednesday Already?

Lent has been sneaking up on us this year, as it so very early. I've been wanting to post something about it to make myself commit to some resolutions. In the past, I've preferred to add things rather than give up things for Lent; every season for the last four years I've been pregnant and/or breastfeeding!

Reading Danielle Bean's blog today helped narrow my focus on the real question and purpose of Lent: What is standing between you and greater holiness? How are you going to get rid of it? What is your plan?

Where do I start?! ;-) Of course, it's MYSELF that stands in the way of holiness and the person God wants me to be. Probably the best way to get over myself is to strengthen my self-discipline and create habits that lead to holiness by doing very small, practical things.

(This is when I usually hesitate. I don't want to go overboard and assign myself too much to do -- then get overwhelmed and worry about failing! =P)

Here's my plan:

1) During "quiet time" every day, kneel down and read that day's reflection from "In Conversation with God; then do at least five minutes of personal prayer.

2) Every time I get in the car, grab the rosary and say an Our Father, Divine Mercy Chaplet or rosary with the boys (depending on the length of the drive).

3) Give bottles of water and granola bars to anyone begging on the street.

4) On days of fasting, have only one full meal and two snacks. Other days, do not eat between meals.

For Lenten guidelines and ideas, head here. Otherwise, God be with you during this time of fasting, prayer and almsgiving!

Boo Boo Update

Thanks to those who commented and emailed me about treatments for Boo Boo. After much thought and some research, I think we're going to hold off on any major shots or allergy elimination for the time being. We'll meet with the allergist to concoct an asthma action plan to keep us out of the ER, and try to control his contact with the worst allergens. We'll reevaluate when he's a little older (and our life is a little more settled!).

Also, as some of you are wondering, we've had mixed success with this round of potty training. One step forward is that Boo Boo does not want to wear diapers anymore, every time I ask him. Two steps back are that he can't or won't tell me when he needs to potty, and he has been having tons of accidents. I just start him out in undies every morning and play it by ear from there; most days he ends up back in diapers by noon. As with everything, I have the feeling this will be a slow process...

Pros and Cons

We are trying to figure out what we should do to treat Boo Boo's allergies, and would appreciate any input you'd like to offer via comments or direct email. I am going to research a bit online, but that always gets overwhelming. I'd like to hear about peoples' real experiences to help inform our decision.

N.B. -- BB's allergies seem directly linked to his asthma, which sends us to the ER so much. If we eliminate the allergies, we keep the asthma attacks at bay.

It seems there are three options: allergy shots, allergy elimination therapy and status quo.

ALLERGY SHOTS
Pros: covered by insurance; successful for some patients; recommended by allergist
Cons: may not work; may be horrible and painful experience every other week for years on end; what else is the allergist going to tell me?!

ALLERGY ELIMINATION THERAPY:
Pros: "holistic" treatment; not painful; fewer treatments that are supposed to last forever
Cons: not covered by insurance; from anecdotal evidence, works for about half of patients for a limited time; we've been burned in the past with other family members being unsuccessfully treated.

STATUS QUO:
Pros: Boo Boo is fine from day to day, as long as I control his food and don't let him near dogs or cats
Cons: His asthma does seem out of control; I'm sick of our lives being controlled by attacks; I don't want to go to the ER so often!

Please discuss amongst yourselves...

Gratuitously Cute Photos of the Week

Tonight, after dinner, X-Man went over to our pantry and dragged out a huge bag of little rice crisps. I opened it for him, and he walked around the house carrying the bag until he decided to settle down on the floor near Boo Boo. I love that the bag is almost as big as X is!

Boy in a Bubble?

We are getting a clearer picture of what we're up against with Boo Boo's health after going to our new allergist in Texas (love him!) and getting more extensive testing for environmental allergies (thanks to four nurses holding him down and sticking him four times to get enough blood).

Turns out -- on top of being allergic to wheat/gluten, dairy, soy, eggs, peanuts, dogs, cats and cockroaches -- he's also allergic to 10 different kinds of mold, eight trees, house dust, hay and grass, and my personal favorite: English plantain (pictured).

Yowza.

After I got these results, I looked incredulously at Boo Boo and thought to myself, "How do you look so normal on the outside when you're a ticking timebomb on the inside?!"

We go back into the allergist in a few weeks for a follow-up visit, and to begin allergy shots for these latest findings. (I can control the food he intakes, but I can't control the environment!) The doctor is in wonder of Boo Boo, too -- officially the healthiest looking sickly child in the world.

I'm more convinced every day -- but especially today -- that Boo Boo is a complete miracle. There must be a reason for his existence, against all odds. God has a plan for his life that is as incredible and mysterious as Boo Boo. We'll just have to keep him in a bubble until we know what that plan is! =)