Learning Love

I confess: I have been in denial. I am sick. The boys are sick. Dear Husband is sick.

It started with me and Boo Boo, after we got into an impromptu leaf fight last week in the park. I could it feel in my sinuses as soon as the mold hit me, and I knew we had made a reckless choice.

At the allergist the next day, I was X-rayed and diagnosed with a sinus infection; BB's cheeks started burning up after we left the office.

Monday we packed up and went to Familia, only to find it was canceled; we went to a playgroup instead and had to go home early because the house had a dog in it. Today we went to the park and storytime, and had to leave early because X started his descent into illness.

Back on Sunday, I had a feeling it was going to be "one of those weeks," but I refused to be a pessimist and insisted on going ahead with all of our plans. And none of them have worked so far. Frankly, I wanted to do what I wanted to do this week. I did not want to do what I knew I should.

We've been on a teeter totter of feeling passable and feeling miserable, totally overestimating what we were capable of doing each day. Now X will not let me put him down for any reason, screaming "Mama!" and weeping pitifully as soon as his toes hit the floor. BB has been so wiped out he's TAKEN A NAP the last few days. Between the two of them, they awakened us four times between midnight and 5am last night. It felt like having a newborn again! =P

So I'm giving up; I'm giving in. I'm going to be staying home with the boys for the rest of the week. No friends. No playmates. I'm not even going to try to drag them to my bible study and pretend they're not as sick as they are. I will probably have to cancel the dinner party we had planned this weekend.

We will do nothing but play with the same old toys, watch too many videos and sneak some time outside in the backyard. I will kiss their fevered brows, and let their over-heated little bodies snuggle too close for comfort, try to not mind the scent of Vicks wafting from their chests and be patient with all of their unreasonable demands. I'll lug X around the house like a rag doll, and let him nurse as much as he wants -- and not worry that he'll never, ever, ever be weaned.

Yet again, the boys are teaching me what God keeps letting me learn -- it's not about me and my plans. It's about the giving of myself, every day, in big and small ways. These snotty-nosed, needy little boys are my teachers in the school of love.